I Want That Job!

Chuck Baird

Right about now, everyone who is out of work just said, “Me too!” Sorry, that’s not what I was talking about. The  ‘job’ I want is to become a public servant. I would like to be a congressman on the federal level. I am going to tell you why, and please don’t get mad at me for this. I am just trying to make you aware of why I want a Senate or House of Representatives position, okay?

Let us begin with the Senate. Each senator serves a term of six (6) years. He/She is paid currently $174,000 per year unless he/she is the President pro tempore and that position pays $193,400. They also receive an office expense allowance called a Member’s Representational Allowance (MRA) that consists of personnel, official office expenses and official mail. That allowance in 2010 averaged $1,522,114. (Whoa! Was that really $1.5 million dollars?) Seems like a far cry from the $6.00 (YEP, six dollars) per Diem of 1815 or the $101,900 of 1991 – was that really only 20 years ago?  I am certain that your raises have amounted to $72,100 annually in the past twenty years, right? Many of the citizens who elect our elitists politicians don’t make that much today. Here is the kicker. The personnel allowance of the MRA is $944,671 for a maximum of 18 permanent employees. Okay, go ahead and put your pen to that – no don’t, I have already done it for you. That is $52,481.72 per employee for the 18 you hire, leaving $577,443 for your official office expenses and mail. 

Let us move on to the House. Each member of the House serves a two-year term. They enjoy the same MRA that the Senate has. (Please keep in mind we are talking about 435 members in these two groups of ‘civil servants’.) The Representative pay is $172,500 annually and the Majority and Minority leaders each receive the same pay as the President pro tempore of the Senate, $193,400.

Before I forget, let me toss a little gasoline on the fire. We also have a Chaplin of the House who is paid $153,000 per year. Heaven forbid we say a prayer in school or at the Friday night football game… We have had a Chaplin since May 1,1789. Doesn’t that seem odd to you? We are in such a fracas over religion in the United States today and the same government that does not allow us to pray in schools has their own Chaplin… who is paid with your tax dollars.

Why do I want this ‘job’? Why do you think that doctors, lawyers, and college professors want it? Most of the people who go into federal politics come out millionaires.

I could really use being a millionaire right now. Seems as though my income level has ‘stagnated’ and a shot at a million bucks would do me quite nicely.

What do you have to do to get these big bucks, at taxpayer expense? That’s the easiest part of the whole thing. For the House you must be 25 years old, a citizen of the United States for seven years and a resident of the state in which you are running. The Senate requires you be at least 30 years old, been a citizen for nine years and live in the state he/she is running in. Do you think you could handle that? I know I could.

In case you missed it, it did not say you had to have a college degree, served in politics prior to being elected, or anything other than residence in the state, be a certain age, and been a citizen for 7 or 9 years. That’s pretty wide open if you ask me. The big thing that is a requirement that is not mentioned is money. If you aren’t a millionaire already, OR HAVE ACCESS TO MONEY, you don’t stand a snowballs chance in hell of ever running. 

Politics today are all about money. You know that is true as well as I do. Have you ever received in the mail a solicitation from someone running for office from another state? That is almost a stupid question, isn’t it? We get them all the time at our house. They aren’t bashful about asking for $25.00 and up like it was nothing. The average citizen is busting his chops keeping gas in the car, a roof over his head, and groceries in the pantry for their family and some jack off in another state wants you to contribute to his/her campaign for office? Give us a break!

So now can you see why I would like to be a Senator or a Representative in Congress? Who wouldn’t? You get a great salary, an expense account that would make Donald Trump envious, and a retirement that exceeds the rest of us. That’s not to mention you aren’t subject to most of the laws that average citizens are. (Think that is not correct, start reading the papers every day…)

Here is where I have to ask you, would you please donate $25, $50, or even a $100 to my campaign for 2012?  I don’t have Air Force One to fly to your city, or flashy brochures, but I will promise you a chicken in every pot every Sunday. All you have to do is send me the money. I will also promise you that in two/six years I will contact you again to show my appreciation and make another request…