I examine the potential members of the so-called Democrat bench. It’s mean of me….cold-hearted, right-wing, spewing of bile. I show them spite. I treat them with pity and all the contempt and antipathy that this emotional reaction implicitly requires. In less verbosity – I laugh my @$$ off! I should stop, but if Jonathan Bernstein of The Bloomberg View were at The Laugh Factory; he’d be killin’ it like a Stalinist purge. He tells me the Democrats have a bench in 2016. And to be serious. Very serious. Seriously serious. I just can’t. Here’s what darn near made me bust a gut-bag.
…assuming the “bench” would be the field of potential candidates for the party’s presidential nomination and include names other than Joe Biden (who is 72). There’s Martin O’Malley, the former Maryland governor, who is actually running. And Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Elizabeth WarrenSenate Democrat Average7%. And Andrew Cuomo, Al Franken, Sen. Tim Kaine (D-VA)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Tim KaineSenate Democrat Average3%, Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Amy KlobucharSenate Democrat Average0% and Sen. Mark Warner (D-VA)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Mark WarnerSenate Democrat Average3%. Oh, and Sen. Michael Bennet (D-CO)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Michael BennetSenate Democrat Average2%, Mike Beebe, Christine Gregoire, Maggie Hassan, Sen. Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Jeanne ShaheenSenate Democrat Average5%, Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Sherrod BrownSenate Democrat Average5%, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Kirsten GillibrandSenate Democrat Average2%, John Hickenlooper and Deval Patrick. They don’t seem presidential?
So let’s take a look at the tribe. We’ll start with Joltin’ Joe from Scranton. If the Dems actually run Huey “The Kingfish” Biden; we’ll have to field Jeb Bush just to keep it fair. I’ll see you on the refugee boat to Australia if you can reserve yourself a seat. If Hillary is about as baked as Scott Weiland on A Stone-Temple Pilots Reunion Tour Bus; than the Dems, as intellectual leaders for tommorrow, have something in common with Mr. Kurtz. Mistah Kurtz? He be dead.
Bernstein informs us that Martin O’Malley is running for the Dem nomination. If I didn’t blog for a hobby; he would have needed to. He doesn’t want to discuss Clinton’s emails. He apparently doesn’t want us to know he wasn’t important enough to receive one.
Senator Elizabeth “Lieawatha” Warren occasionally sends up a few smoke signals indicating she might want to be The Big Chief. Only the thought of spending fourteen hours reading Hillary’s emails about yoga pants could make her seem like an attractive candidate by comparison. She runs on populist reform and taking down “The Banksters.” She had the opportunity to support Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Rand PaulSenate Republican Average93% on an audit of The Federal Reserve. She issued the following fiery insurgent salvo that stuck it to the man!!
“I strongly support and continue to press for greater congressional oversight of the Fed’s regulatory and supervisory responsibilities, and I believe the Fed’s balance sheet should be regularly audited – which the law already requires,” she said in a statement via email. “But I oppose the current version of this bill because it promotes congressional meddling in the Fed’s monetary policy decisions, which risks politicizing those decisions and may have dangerous implications for financial stability and the health of the global economy.”
Governor Andrew Cuomo was on Bernstein’s list. He’ll stay there as long as he’s hired the right legal team. Sen. Al Franken (D-MN)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Al FrankenSenate Democrat Average2% is there, but gosh-darn it! I don’t think many people to the right of Kwesi Mfume really like him. Sen. Tim Kaine (D-VA)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Tim KaineSenate Democrat Average3% is a Senator, a Democrat, and lives close to Washington. At least he could handle the commute if he won. Bernstein lists several other elected Democrats. “Don’t they look Presidential?” He pleads. I guess after Jimmy Carter that standard was set significantly lower.
I’m not even saying that nominating one of these cretinous Morlocks-sent-to-Hahvad would equal a GOP victory. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Lindsey GrahamSenate Republican Average47% really is tanned, rested and ready to guarantee the GOP an electoral forfeit if we are stupid enough to nominate this man. What I’m really afraid for here is the America we would be stuck with if one of these stiffs ready for the slab were to actually, you know, win.
You can’t name for me one original idea that these people have put forth. Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Elizabeth WarrenSenate Democrat Average7% could have checked the block at least partially as “Senator Occupy.” Unless she’s got secret emails somewhere proclaiming that her position is different; her cowardice in the face of a Federal Reserve audit tells us exactly how much Goldman Drexel Stanley got for its money when they decided to coopt her via their political contributions. She’s defanged, ideologically scalped. None of these people have done any legitimate thinking about America’s future.
So the Dems, as Mr. Bernstein will have you know, have a bench. So did The Detroit Lions the year they went 0-16. The people on that bench are there for a reason. These are nearly all people who were completely destroyed, munched, pulverized, and told to hit the road by a guy from Illinois with less than 1 term in the US Senate and funny last name back in 2008.
So if the GOP really makes you frustrated with their RINO flatulence, I tell you that you have alternatives. Alternatives like Sen. Michael Bennet (D-CO)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Michael BennetSenate Democrat Average2%, Mike Beebe, Christine Gregoire, Maggie Hassan, Sen. Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Jeanne ShaheenSenate Democrat Average5%, Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Sherrod BrownSenate Democrat Average5%, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)Heritage ActionScorecardSen. Kirsten GillibrandSenate Democrat Average2%, John Hickenlooper and Deval Patrick. I mean if the Dems win, and that list of names doesn’t make ISIS want to preemptively surrender; than nothing will…